I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
