Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
