i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
