A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
