there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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