Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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