No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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