u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
