You work out of a Hotel?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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