WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
