More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
