If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
