you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
