I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
