i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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