literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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