is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am midnight drunk by noon
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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