If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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