the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
