i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
