There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
