she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Drunk is not a location!
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