Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
one might say we're banned from that church
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
