one might say we're banned from that church
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
