when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
