Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
