Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
