My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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