Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
