My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
