Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
