No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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