Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I love you. Go after that dick
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
