May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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