NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
