Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We left the knife in your bed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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