I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
