I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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