It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
