is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
