you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sober January is a disaster.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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