I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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