I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
