your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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