We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
