i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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