I'm so fucking centered right now
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
