Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
