sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
