Nicole vs. Life
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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