If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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